Once upon a time, there was a kind, selfless, shiny girl, with all the brain power in the world, which made her over nine thousand times smarter than L, Light, Near AND Mello combined. Hell, even Stephen Hawking would have to do 1266 times the amount of work to reach up to her standards of... erm, clever work and stuff. Her name was Luciyana-tsuki-desu-chan, and she was perfect.

Yes, she was perfect. She had rainbow-crystal hair, she was a popstar, she had the best fashion sense ever - with her own fashion lines, the best EVER being her rainbowlolitadesu!! label - and her eyes shimmered and glimmered a thousand different colours. She was so blindingly beautiful - and perfect. And I mean P-E-R-F-E-C-T with... ALL THE LETTERS OF PERFECT. (Yes that last sentence required capslock. It was necessary. Honest. Heck, I might as well type with all caps, but then there's the whole eye-burning thing...) Every guy she met loved her with all their hearts, and girls too! (Why not?) Unless they were stoopid jealous girls. And who cares about them?

But anyway, an obviously perfect girl like her had her deep dark secrets too, like most people - except hers were obviously more serious and precious. One of these secrets was about her best friend. Because, you see, Eddikins was no ordinary friend - he was a sexy shinigami with the power to sparkle in the sunlight like a certain group of fails. He also despised muffins, and turned into fairy dust when one was thrown at him - though it only happened temporarily.

Speaking of fairies, Luciyana's next secret was that she wasn't an ordinary human. She was 1/2 pixie. And 1/4 squirrel. Not to mention 1/3 popstar and 1/16 poptart. Even though I just did. BUT WHO CARES.

She also came from a mysterious universe called ***~~~D'lrow Eus Y'ram~~~***, a mystical shiny world where similar girls were born in a shiny desu world of happiness. But this weekend, Luciyana decided that she would enter the Universe of Death Note - a place that she had never been before. Of course, Luciyana had been to numerous universes before - the last universe being the Universe of Code Geass, where she had fallen in love with both Lelouch and Suzaku, and Kallen, Shirley, C2 and all the other female love interests all died in a mysterious fire - or fallen in love with her, whatever - and all of this happened within a week.

But now Luciyana decided it was time for Near, Mello, and Matt to get her Shiny Desu Love. So, with Eddikins by her side, and her pink glittery Death Note, she jumped into the portal and got dumped on the Wammy Orphanage doorstep in the Death Note Universe.

"OMG!" Luciyana said, her voice like nine billion orchestras and awesome singers all crashed together, "Time to jump into action!" And she threw the door open, Eddikins following her silently. There was only an old man there, who was obviously subconsciously waiting for her.

"Welcome to Wammy's, Luciyana! - I love you, will you have sex with me - You will now replace L as the no. 1 Detective in the world!" the old man said, a weird, out-of-place grin on his face.

"OMG YAY I AM SO LUCKY THAT I WAS CONVENIENTLY PASSING BY." Luciyana screamed. Eddikins began to dance.

"Lol." he replied, paused, then began, "My name is Quillish Wammy, aka Watari - but of course you're allowed to know who I really am! Please stay here for the rest of your time here and get married to everyone. Yay for polygamy!"

"WHEEE!" Luciyana replied, her eyes shining like a thousand googolplexian rainbows being crammed together at once into each of her eyeballs.

Watari winced slightly, then grinned the creepy grin again. "Now, go to the third door on the right, where your sparkly room that you will share with Near, Mello, and Matt awaits you!" He bowed and gave Luciyana a giant cookie from nowhere. Luciyana chomped happily as she rushed to her room. In there, as Watari had said, were the three boys - and they looked confused - I mean, when you see a girl randomly coming into your room that is so unbelievably kawaii desu ne, you'd be wondering "WTF why is she near me? I AM NOT WORTHY!111" - before beginning to fight randomly.

"OH NO PLZ DONT FIGHT!" Luciyana said, Eddikins floating behind her (though none of the boys could see him).

The boys looked up at the crystal girl, and at once, they replied, with looks of sadness and apology marked on their faces, and immediately said, "OMG WE'RE SO SORRY WE ALL NEVER WANT TO HURT YOU NOW LETS HAVE A FOURSOME!"

"YAY!" Luciyana said, but then she saw the sad look in Eddikin's eyes. She knew, with her special power of being able to sense emotions easily, that he desperately wanted to join in. "OH WAIT GUYS" She said, "TOUCH MY GLITTERY DEATH NOTE!" she held out her notebook.

At once, all three wammy's kids touched the pink glittery cover, which was also covered with glittery flowers that Luciyana stuck on herself with super glue. They then looked up for a second, and saw Eddikins the Shinigami in all his glory.

"THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER!!!!!!!" The shinigami yelled as he stepped into the sunlight, which was coming from a large window in the room. Everybody but Luciyana's jaws dropped as he sparkled like he was coated with fairy dust.

Luciyana clapped her hands and yelled "KAWAIII DESUUU!" and started dancing the Hare Hare Yukai for no real reason. The boys stopped gawping at Eddikins, and began to dance along. Eddikins joined them.

But then, all of a sudden, L came into the room.

"Oh hello all, my real name is L Lawliet, I knew Luciyana since we were little, and I would like to join you in your group..." L paused and counted everyone in the room, "Sixsome? Yeah, that's right."

"YAYYYYYYYY, SIXSOME!" Luciyana screamed, and they began to get ready for super kawaii desu awesome smex - despite the fact that none of them would ever agree to this, but this is fandom, and fandom says, "STFU I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!!" because everybody knows that fans that write these sort of fics are spoiled children.

Or, rather, you're just a fat jealous meany who just wants to be like Luciyana.
But enough of that. Back to the story!

Watari came in and began to make this sick fanfic a sevensome, and that was when...

...Spinzaku Kururugi had just enough.

He burst into the series, with fury like over nine thousand trillion raging rage emoticons. Luciyana sensed the badass aura, and removed herself from the six characters who looked confused - and slightly relieved - by this interruption. "Su-suzaku! I... can't believe you're here! Want to join us?" she said, flashing him her Winning Smile.

But Spinzaku was not fooled by her desu.

"That's SPINzaku to you, bitch!" He yelled, "I am here on a mission! A mission to rid the world of you and your Mary Sue sisters and Gary Stu brothers! I have joined alliances with Chuck Norris, but he's not here right now, as he is ridding the world of your sister Kumikoro Moonshine Ryiashin-sama, who is currently preying on Yagami Light and  Teru Mikami! And now, it is time for me to rid the world of you and Eddikins to ensure that what happened in my fandom will NEVER happen in any other!"

Luciyana dropped the smile, and a vicious snarl took her place. "I will NEVER be defeated on my quest to have hawt smex with every Anime boy that I am infactuated with! Screw you! Get him, Eddikins!"

Eddikins swooped to Spinzaku, a smirk on his face. "Remember me?" he asked.
"Oh yes, you were the geass-giver to Luciyana, right? So now you have the Shinigami job. I guess the Suethor just couldn't let go of you, right?"

"I WILL WRITE YOUR NAME IN MY NOTE!" Eddikins screamed, ignoring what Spinzaku had just said. He grabbed his sparkly Death Note out of hammerspace, and got out his pen. But before he could write the first character in "Kururugi Suzaku", he had got a muffin to the face. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he yelled as he turned into fairy dust - which Spinzaku quickly shoved into a bottle of Anti-Sue potion and shaken with all of Spinzaku's might.  For one moment, the blue bottle turned purple, before turning back into the deep blue colour that it was before. Spinzaku got ready for the infamous spin kick as Luciyana howled with rage and shed a crystal tear.

"HOW DARE YOU! I WILL DESTROY YOU, FOR I AM LUCIYANA-TSUKI-DESU-CHAN, AND I AM PERFECT!"

As Luciyana had finished this statement, she ran up to Spinzaku with RAEG - but sadly for her, Spinzaku delivered his Holy Spin Kick of Justice to Luciyana Tsuki Desu-Chan with perfect timing and grace - far more perfect than Luciyana herself.
Luciyana got up, and smirked. "Hah! That only knocked me back! Nobody can REALLY defeat me!"

Spinzaku smirked back. "O rly?" he said.

"Ya Rly- AAAAAAGH!" she replied, before screaming in pain. She was disintergrating into dust, slowly, but far from gracefully due to her yells and the fact that the room was breezy. Spinzaku had coated his shoes with Anti-Sue potion, with such a amount that any Mary-Sue, no matter HOW perfect, could ever resist and recover from.

"No wai." Spinzaku said, looking down at her as the last pieces of Luciyana Tsuki Desu-Chan fell to the ground.

The room was silent before Mello suddenly yelled "OH THANK GOD! I'M FREE!" Everybody looked at him, before looking back at Spinzaku, and cheering.

But Spinzaku had eyes for only one person in the room. And no, not in that way. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER. (Seriously, it's not healthy... D:)

L Lawliet was smiling, but he looked sad and paler than usual, looking at his feet as if they were very fascinating. (Partly because they are - I mean, seriously, have you seen this guy's toes?) Spinzaku walked up to him, saying, "Hey, L, I have a favour to ask of you."

L looked up. "What?"

"Well, Chuck Norris and I came here for two purposes. One was to obliterate the Sue, and the second was to ask you if you want to join us in our quest to rid the world of sues. So, will you join?" Spinzaku asked.

"Well, no."

"What?" Spinzaku gasped, "Why? I thought anything to do with Justice and the Greater Good would be exactly what you want to do!"

L laughed. It was a weird, weird sound. Very creepy - then again, L is creepy. "I can't though. I'd like to, but there's one tiny problem."

"What?"

"I'm dead."

And everybody suddenly realised...

that the cake was a lie.

THE END